Nine minutes a day: a gentle routine that helped my child feel closer to me

The hardest parenting moments often arrive in the smallest gaps of the day: the rushed school drop, the “just one more episode” request, the tears when it’s time to leave, the bedtime negotiation when you’re running on fumes.

In many Indian homes, where routines are full and expectations are high, it can feel as if we are constantly *managing behaviour*. But parenting coach and mom influencer Rahela Tayyebi (@imperfectbusymom), whose ideas were shared by *The Better India*, offers a quieter reframe: sometimes, our first job is not to correct the behaviour, but to understand what may be sitting underneath it.

Her approach is made up of simple, everyday rules—small enough to fit into real life, yet meaningful enough to shift how connected a child feels to a parent. One of the most striking ideas is how little time it can take. A few intentional minutes, repeated daily, can become a powerful emotional anchor.

A 20-second hug before the questions When a child is upset, most of us move quickly into problem-solving mode—asking what happened, explaining why it is not okay, or trying to stop the crying so we can continue with the day.

Rahela suggests beginning with something more basic: a long hug. Not a quick pat on the back, but a full 20 seconds of warm, steady contact—especially when your child wakes up, returns from school, or goes to bed. And in the middle of a meltdown, she recommends a simple line such as: “Come here, let’s have a big hug first.”

The logic is gentle and practical. When emotions run high, a child’s ability to listen and process words is often low. Physical comfort can help them feel safe enough to settle, and only then can you talk.

This idea also connects with research referenced in the source material: a study from the University of North Carolina linked physical affection with lower stress and greater feelings of connection and wellbeing. You don’t need to turn your home into a laboratory—just notice what changes when comfort comes before correction.

Small transitions, fewer tears: warnings and rhythms Many everyday conflicts are actually *transition problems*—moving from play to homework, screen time to dinner, or home to school. Children may not resist because they are “being difficult”, but because switching gears is genuinely hard.

That is why one practical tool in Rahela’s suggestions is giving a warning before an activity ends—especially screen time. A calm heads-up (“Five minutes left, then we stop”) gives a child time to adjust internally. For many families, this reduces sudden power struggles and makes it easier for the child to cooperate without feeling pushed.

Parents can also build micro-rhythms into the day—tiny predictable routines that become emotional “signposts”. Examples can include:

• A consistent goodbye ritual at the door
• A brief check-in after school before jumping into homework
• A short, calm wind-down before bedtime

These are not grand gestures. They are small signals that tell a child: *I’m with you; I will help you move from one moment to the next.*

The “nine-minute” connection: brief, daily, undistracted For parents who feel they have no extra time, the encouraging message is this: connection does not always require a long, elaborate activity. It can be built through brief, undistracted attention—spread across the day.

Consider a simple structure that many families can manage: a few minutes of focused presence in the morning, a few minutes after school, and a few minutes at bedtime. Add a 20-second hug, a calm warning before screens end, and one moment of listening without interrupting—and you may find your child begins to approach you with more openness.

The “nine minutes” is less about the exact number and more about the mindset: prioritising connection in small, repeatable ways. Over time, these minutes can change the emotional climate of a home—making it easier for children to regulate feelings, and easier for parents to guide behaviour without constant friction.

**Why it matters:** When children feel safe and connected, everyday parenting becomes calmer and more cooperative—and families gain a practical, low-cost way to support emotional wellbeing in the middle of busy lives.