Nine minutes a day: a simple parenting reset that deepens connection

Every parent knows the familiar lines: “Just two more minutes,” “One last episode,” or “Why are you crying? We have to go!” These flashpoints often show up during the busiest parts of the day—school mornings, pick-ups, homework hours, or bedtime.

What’s encouraging is that many of these moments can soften with small, repeatable habits. Parenting coach and content creator Rahela Tayyebi (known online as @imperfectbusymom) suggests that parenting doesn’t always have to be about fixing behaviour on the spot. Often, it helps to first notice what’s happening underneath—fatigue, overwhelm, a need for closeness, or simply a child struggling to shift from one activity to another.

Her approach is simple: build connection in brief, intentional pockets. For some families, that adds up to just a few minutes spread across the day—enough to change how connected a child feels.

Start with a 20-second hug, not a lecture When a child is upset, many adults instinctively move straight to questions and explanations: What happened? Why did you do that? What should you do next time?

Tayyebi recommends beginning with something more grounding: a long hug—around 20 seconds—before you problem-solve. She suggests making it a routine anchor when your child wakes up, returns from school, or goes to bed. And when emotions rise, you can gently offer: “Come here, let’s have a big hug first.”

The idea is not to “reward” a tantrum or avoid boundaries. It is to help the child’s body and brain settle enough to listen and respond. Physical affection can signal safety and calm, creating space for a better conversation.

This is also broadly consistent with research often cited around affectionate touch and emotional regulation. A study from the University of North Carolina has linked physical affection with lower stress and stronger feelings of connection and wellbeing. The takeaway for parents is practical: when things get loud, connection can come before correction.

Make transitions kinder—especially around screens A large share of daily conflict comes from transitions: stopping play, ending screen time, leaving the park, or switching off the television. Children may not be “defiant” as much as they are struggling to shift gears.

One helpful habit is to give a clear warning before screen time ends. Instead of a sudden “Off now,” offer a simple countdown: “Five minutes left,” and then “Two minutes left.” This does not mean negotiating endlessly; it means preparing the child for what’s next.

Families who try this often find it reduces the sense of shock and loss that triggers tears or anger. It also teaches a valuable life skill: moving between tasks even when you would rather stay.

If your child still protests, a calm, consistent line helps: “I hear you. It’s hard to stop. Screen time is over now.” Validation plus boundary is often more effective than repeated scolding.

The ‘nine-minute’ connection routine many parents can manage Not every family has long stretches of quality time daily—and that’s okay. The encouraging message in Tayyebi’s approach is that consistency matters more than perfection.

A simple connection routine could look like:

• A long hug in the morning (about 20 seconds)
• A warm reconnection after school (a hug and one attentive question)
• A gentle bedtime check-in (two minutes of listening, not instructing)

Put together, these moments can total just a few minutes, yet they create a predictable sense of emotional availability. Over time, children begin to trust that connection is steady—even when rules are firm.

For working parents and busy households across India, this framing can feel realistic: you don’t need a dramatic overhaul. You need small, repeatable touchpoints that say, “I’m with you.”

**Why it matters:** Small, research-aligned habits—like affectionate touch and smoother transitions—can reduce everyday conflict and strengthen parent-child trust, helping children feel secure while families maintain healthy routines.